IT Jokes: 2025
December 29, 2025
CIO: It’s always something and it’s generally expensive.
December 28, 2025
Useful Metric Equivalents in the Server Room
* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 52 cards = 1 decacards
* 1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 435.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 centipedes = 1 millipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 10 monologues = 5 dialogues
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
December 26, 2025
Video Gamer: “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
December 23, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center at Christmas
Did you hear about the network engineer who stole an Advent calendar? He got 25 days.
What do you call a bunch of IT staff bragging about their chess games in a hotel lobby over the holidays? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed.
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has no-el.
What did the naughty soccer announcer get from Santa Claus? COOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!
What is the best possible holiday present to give a network engineer? A broken drum; you just can’t beat it!
What’s the Grinch’s least favorite band? The Who.
Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves? Dancer!
What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint Nickel-less.
What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies!
What would you call an elf who won the lottery? Welfy.
December 21, 2025
Network Manager observation: Daytime TV is incentive to get a job.
December 20, 2025
My van had been parked in front of the Data Center where I work as a Network Engineer. To my dismay, when I approached I saw broken glass and bits of plastic lying on the road from around the headlight. I thought I had been the victim of a hit- and-run and asked a grounds keeper working at the building if he had seen what had happened.
Rather sheepishly the man told me his truck had been parked about 50 feet uphill from my van. At some point the parking brakes had failed, and his truck rolled down and struck the front of my van.
The police were called to the Data Center parking lot and while sitting with the investigating officer in his car, I heard him quietly chuckling. “In all my years of police work,” he said, “this is the first time I’ve ever investigated an accident between two parked vehicles.”
December 17, 2025
My calculus professor was late 16 minutes for his first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes for the third.
At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.
December 14, 2025
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro
December 13, 2025
Two Network Engineers were traveling on an airplane to a network installation project. About half-way through the trip the pilot made an announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, we regret to tell you that one of our engines is not working, but don’t worry, we have two back-up engines. Please expect a delay of one hour.”
A few minutes later the pilot makes another announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have lost one of our back-up engines, but don’t worry, we still have the other engine. This just means we’ll be delayed two hours from our destination.”
One Network Engineer turned to the other and said: “We better not lose the third engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”
December 11, 2025
Network Manager coaching a group of Network Engineers involved in large server upgrade project: “Thursday only exists as a reminder that it’s been a really long week… And it’s still not over.”
December 10, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: “Medical experts are now saying obesity is a disease. I’m overjoyed! Tomorrow I’m calling in fat.”
December 9, 2025
Mr. White was the Chief Accountant of a large Data Center.
Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years.
The entire staff was intrigued, but no one was game to ask him what was in the drawer.
Finally the time came for Mr. White to retire. There was a farewell party with speeches and a presentation.
As soon as Mr. White had left the building, some of the staff rushed into his office, unlocked the top drawer and peered in. Taped to the bottom of the drawer was a sheet of paper.
It read, “Debits on the left, credits on the right.”
December 7, 2025
Why did the invisible man turn down the Network Manager job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
December 6, 2025
A Network Manager at a large Data Center had ten very lazy network engineers working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.
“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest one here please put their hand up.”
Nine hands went up.
“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the tenth network engineer.
“Too much trouble,” came the reply.
December 4, 2025
Video Gamer: Reality is just where our worlds overlap.
December 1, 2025
In case you need ideas for a voicemail greeting, here are two suggestions:
1. “You know what I hate about voicemail greetings? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “I’m currently not available, please leave a message.” That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long voicemail greeting when you call me…”
2. “Hi! Bob’s phone is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.”
November 30, 2025
Q: How does a lumberjack start his computer?
A: By Logging On!
November 28, 2025
As he was driving home from work in the Data Center, our Network Manager was stopped by a local police officer. The Network Manager, informed that he had failed to come to a full stop at a stop sign, was handed a ticket.
“Don’t I get a warning?” the IT guy protested.
The officer replied, “Sure. Here’s your warning: If you don’t come to a complete stop next time, I’ll give you another ticket.”
November 26, 2025
In the beginning, there was nothing –which exploded.
November 24, 2025
To impress his date, the young Network Engineer took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. “We’ll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci,” he said, finally.
“Sorry, sir,” said the waiter. “That’s the owner.”
November 23, 2025
Network Manager covering multiple Data Centers around the globe: The scientific theory that I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage
November 21, 2025
Donna and Marian were married to two Network Engineers working at a large Data Center.
“Donna,” asked Marian thoughtfully one day, “what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?”
“Another woman with MY husband?” Donna thought it over. “Let’s see. I’d break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from.”
November 19, 2025
CIO explaining networking technology to CEO: Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order because it is better organized.
November 18, 2025
When my Network Manager asked me who was stupid, me or him, I told him he doesn’t hire stupid network engineers.
November 16, 2025
Weight Control in the Data Center
Here’s a quick guide to calorie-burning activities for IT staff that do not require physical exercise, and the number of calories per hour they consume:
Beating around the bush – 75
Jumping to conclusions – 100
Passing the buck – 25
Throwing your weight around – 50-300 (depending on your weight)
Dragging your heels – 100
Pushing your luck – 250
Making mountains out of molehills – 500
Hitting the nail on the head – 50
Bending over backwards – 75
Jumping on the bandwagon – 200
Running around in circles – 350
Climbing the ladder of success – 750
Pulling out the stops – 75
Wrapping it up at the day’s end – 12
To which you may want to add some additional activities, including:
Opening a can of worms – 50
Starting the ball rolling – 90
Putting your foot in your mouth – 300
And finally:
Picking up the pieces after – 350
November 14, 2025
Overheard in the Network Server Room: “Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.”
November 13, 2025
CIO: The best way to appreciate your job in our Data Center is to imagine yourself without one.
November 11, 2025
Many years ago I was acting as the system administrator for a test system in a large publicly held company. Periodically I would receive a call from someone who had not accessed the system recently, forgot their password and locked themselves out trying to logon. I would look up their password and unlock the system for them and they would go on their merry way.
One day I received a call from a young lady who was in just such a predicament. I looked up her password and informed her that it was ‘DOME’ and, just to be playful, told her the price for me being gracious enough to unlock her sign-on was an explanation of the meaning of her password. She became very embarrassed over the phone and pleaded that she could never reveal her secret. I of course replied that I would not give her system access until she did.
After negotiating for several minutes she finally acquiesced but made me promise to neverreveal her password meaning to any of her colleagues to which I gladly agreed.
“Well, what does it mean?” I asked. She hesitated and then replied, “It’s two words.” There was pregnant pause. I unlocked her system and simply said, “Have a nice day.”
November 9, 2025
“Do you believe in life after death?” the Network Manager at a large Data Center asked one of his younger Network Engineers.
“Yes, sir,” the Network Engineer replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the Network Manager went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
November 7, 2025
Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?
It suffered from withdrawals.
November 5, 2025
My Network Manager told me to start every IT presentation with a joke.
The first slide now reads: “My Salary.”
November 4, 2025
A young IT guy applied for a network engineering job at a new Data Center being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.
After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new Data Center, the Personnel Officer told the young man, “We need individuals who are totally responsible.”
The young IT guy grinned and responded: “Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I’ve worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!”
November 2, 2025
Hardcore Gamer: I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle, it’s much too confining.
October 31, 2025
It’s Halloween and this network engineer has nothing to wear. She pulls a sheet over her head and sticks horns on it and goes to her job at a large Data Center..
An IT co-worker in the server room asks her what she is dressed as.
She replies, “Bull Sheet”.
October 29, 2025
We were four frugal young network engineers working at a large Data Center in NYC. But a couple times a year we treated ourselves to the best Manhattan had to offer. As we approached the famous restaurant Lutece, we questioned whether we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban sophisticates?
The maitre d’ met us at the door, all smiles and bows. When he took my raincoat, I began to look over the cozy little bar and anticipate the charming basket of pastry that was our appetizer. Then the maitre d’ returned to our group, gingerly holding a fabric softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve.
“Madam,” he said, “Your Bounce.”
October 28, 2025
What did one network server keyboard say to the other network server keyboard?
Sorry, you re not my type.
October 26, 2025
IT Tech Support Intern: “Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought.”
October 25, 2025
A soft whistle came from the rear of the chemistry lab as a really curvaceous coed in a tight fitting outfit walked across the front of the room.
“Relax,” said the whistler’s partner, “She’s three-fourths water.”
“Yeah,” came the enthusiastic reply, “but what surface tension!”
October 23, 2025
Network Engineer in Data Center: My evil, diabolical master plan of explosive revenge against my idiot Network Manager and jerk-face co-workers was foiled by our cafeteria vending machine. After $15 in change and repeated presses of “C4,” it still only dispensed packages of peanut butter crackers.
October 20, 2025
As the VP of Networking for a major Data Center, I’d had enough of my employees abusing their allotted break time. In an effort to clarify my position, I posted a sign on the bulletin board:
“Starting immediately, your 15-minute breaks are being cut from half an hour to 20 minutes.”
October 18, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: He’s out of his depth on a wet pavement.
October 17, 2025
A wise old Network Manager retired from a large Data Center and purchased a modest home. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating on every trash can they encountered.
The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old former Network Manager decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-time Network Manager greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
“Buying my new home has really put a dent in my savings,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
“Look,” the Network Manager said, “I haven’t received my check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”
“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”
And the retired Network Manager enjoyed peace.
October 15, 2025
Network Manager discussing a complex network configuration diagram: Just because things are obvious doesn’t mean they’re true.
October 13, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center cafeteria: “I wanted to be a computer programmer, but I couldn’t hack it.”
October 12, 2025
A Network Manager and his Network Engineer, both from the U.S., were driving in Canada and got lost.
Finally they came into a city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so they pulled up to the curb, and the Network Engineer rolled down her window and asked: “Excuse me, sir. Where are we?”
The gentleman on the street replied, “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.”
The Network Engineer rolled up the window, turned to her Network Manager and said, “We really are lost. They don’t even speak English here!”
October 10, 2025
Video Gamer: I’d be a morning person if morning started at around 1 p.m.
October 8, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
October 5, 2025
When a Network Engineer applicant asked if the Data Center had a fitness program, the human resources manager replied:
“Oh, our IT employees don’t need one. They are routinely jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, wading through paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, stabbing others in the back, and pushing their luck!”
October 4, 2025
My Network Engineering co-worker is engaged in a major custody battle.
His wife doesn’t want him and his mother won’t take him back.
October 1, 2025
Network Manager: Tell my Wifi love her.
September 30, 2025
Since a Systems Integrator co-worker of mine is rather overweight, she requests a seat belt extender from the flight attendant whenever she flies to her next network implementation job.
On a recent trip, she was removing the belt when she noticed it had a small brass plate etched with a statement that the belt was in compliance with the Federal Aviation Administration Technical Standard Order specifying the construction of such extenders.
However, what my IT co-worker saw at the time was the engraved message: “Conforms to FAATSO.”
September 28, 2025
Why was the database administrator so good at his job?
He had great table manners.
September 26, 2025
Rebooting my brain for the weekend. System update will resume on Monday.
September 24, 2025
It is not always easy to say the right thing on the spur of the moment. We can sympathize with the Network Engineer who met a former Data Center co-worker after many years.
“How is your wife?”
“She is in heaven,” replied the former IT guy.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” stammered the Network Engineer. Then he realized this was not the thing to say.
“I mean,” he stammered, “I’m glad.”
That seemed even worse so the Network Engineer blurted, “Well, what I really mean is, I’m surprised.”
September 23, 2025
Senior Network Engineer to Network Engineering Intern: “In the Book of Life, the answers aren’t in the back.”
September 21, 2025
How do you comfort a JavaScript bug?
You console it.
September 19, 2025
Six retired Data Center employees were playing poker in their golf clubhouse when Willie, a former network engineer, loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five IT guys complete their playing time, standing at the table. Gus, a former network programmer looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?”
They draw straws and Harry, the former Network Manager, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
“Gentlemen! Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.”
Harry goes over to the Willie’s apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Harry declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.”
She hollers, “TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!”
Harry says, “I’ll go tell him.”
September 17, 2025
Video Gamer: I’m not going to vacuum ’til Hoover makes one you can ride on.
September 16, 2025
What’s a network programmer’s favorite dance?
The algo-rhythm.
September 14, 2025
Though her husband, a Network Manager for a large Data Center, often went on business trips to clients and networking conferences, she hated to be left alone.
“I’ve solved your problem,” the travelling IT guy said. “I’ve bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!”
She hit him with a waffle iron.
September 12, 2025
Engineers have made a car that can run on oregano. Hopefully, they can make buses and trains run on thyme.
September 11, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room:
I have a feeling that, when my ship comes in, I’ll be at the airport.
September 9, 2025
When I decided to improve my computer skills, I threw myself into it with enthusiasm. Every week I’d check out five or six instructional books from the library.
After about a month the librarian commented, “Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable by now.”
“Thanks,” I said. “How can you tell?”
The librarian explained, “Only two of the books you’re checking out this week have ‘For Dummies’ in their titles.”
September 7, 2025
C++ Programmer: “Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
Network Engineer: “No…”
C++ Programmer: “Inheritance.”
September 5, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center cafeteria:
I never thought I’d be the type of person who could get up early to exercise. I was correct.
September 4, 2025
One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named “i386.”
He started to type it and paused, asking me, “Where’s the key for that line thing?”
I asked what he was talking about, and he said, “You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark.”
I replied, “You mean the letter ‘i’?”
He said, “Yeah, that’s it!”
September 2, 2025
Network Engineer Intern: I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate at the same time.
September 1, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center executive offices:
One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth.
August 31, 2025
An applicant was filling out a job application for a Network Engineer position at a major Data Center..
When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” he wrote, “No.”
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was “Why?”
The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”
August 29, 2025
Video Gamer lament: The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.
August 25, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center:
“We’re customer service agents. Of course we’re good at apologizing for things that aren’t our fault.”
August 24, 2025
A Computer Science professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded.
“Professors haven’t got bad memory,” the IT educator declared. “They’re not absent-minded. Don’t you think I know where I am right now, and don’t you think tomorrow I’ll know where I was today? Would somebody like to ask me another question?”
“Yes,” said another guest. “Is it true that professors are absent-minded and have bad memory?”
“Good!” said the IT professor. “I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that question.”
August 21, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center main server room:
“Where do I get my corny dad jokes? I store them in my dad-a-base.”
August 20, 2025
How many network software Product Managers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, that sounds like a development task.
August 18, 2025
A network systems engineer, an experimental physicist, a theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the next, a black sheep.
The network systems engineer says: “What do you know, the sheep in Scotland are black.”
“Well, *some* of the sheep in Scotland are black,” replies the experimental physicist.
The theoretical physicist considers this for a moment and says, “Well, at least one of the sheep in Scotland is black.”
“Well,” the philosopher responds, “on one side, anyway.”
August 16, 2025
Video Gamer: Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the Internet.
August 15, 2025
Gravity: Not just a good idea, it’s the law!
August 13, 2025
An MIT college professor in the Computer Sciences department outlined, at length, the nature of a rather brutal mid-term exam. He concluded his remarks by asking if anyone had any questions regarding the exam. For more than several minutes, the class sat in stunned silence, as each one wondered if anyone could pass such a test.
Finally one brave IT student asked, “Do you accept bribes?”
August 11, 2025
Network Manager: It doesn’t stop being magic just because you know how it works.
August 10, 2025
Clones are people two.
August 7, 2025
In a science course discussion of the structure of the atom, one instructor noticed a coed who apparently hadn’t read any of the assignment, as the expression on her face indicated she was having difficulty understanding. His suspicions were confirmed when he asked her what a “neutrino” was.
She thought for a few seconds with a guilty, wistful look on her face, then suggested hopefully, “An Italian neutron?”
August 5, 2025
Overheard in a Data Center conference room: COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
August 4, 2025
CTO: Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
August 2, 2025
Our Network Manager won a Data Center employee contest and gets to spend a day at a plush country club, playing golf & enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy.
Being a hack golfer, our Network Manager plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to go drown myself in that lake.”
The caddy looks back at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”
July 31, 2025
Senior Network Engineer: Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
July 28, 2025
Senior Network Engineer: I have been here 11 years doing three network engineer’s work for one engineer’s pay. Now I want a raise.
Network Manager: Well, I can’t give you a raise, but if you’ll tell me who the other two network engineers are, I’ll fire them.
July 26, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
July 24, 2025
A video gamer showed some of his gaming friends his new apartment. One gamer asked “What’s that big brass basin for?”
“That’s the talking clock,” answered the man. He gave it an ear shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed, “Knock it off, it’s 2 a.m., you idiot!”
July 23, 2025
Facebook is like jail. You sit around and waste time, you write on walls, and you get poked by people you don’t know.
July 21, 2025
Q: How many overeager network engineering interns does it take to put in a light bu…
A: Done!
July 20, 2025
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf.
He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a hard-charging CTO of a growing Data Center company, came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.
“You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the CTO to the fisherman, “you should be working rather than lying on the beach!”
The fisherman looked up at the stressed CTO, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?”
“Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the excited CTO’s answer.
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The CTO replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!”
“And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again.
The overworked CTO was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.
“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman.
The CTO was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”
Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?”
The CTO was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”
The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”
July 18, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room:
I think my new iPhone is broken. I pressed the Home button and I’m still at work
July 16, 2025
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
July 15, 2025
Network Engineer’s Puzzle
The wife left a note on the fridge:
“It’s not working, I can’t take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother.”
I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold.
I wonder what the heck she is talking about?
July 13, 2025
Overheard in the HR department of our Data Center: He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
July 11, 2025
CIO: I always advise people never to give advice.
July 10, 2025
Long, unproductive meetings are often the curse of corporate life.
My very funny Network Manager at the Data Center where I worked has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut a business conference short before it starts rambling out of control.
There comes a time when he announces, “All those opposed to my plan say, ‘I resign.'”
End of meeting.
July 8, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center
There are three kinds of people in the world: Those who can count and those who can’t.
July 6, 2025
Network Manager: I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
July 4, 2025
Our Network Manager, who decided to enjoy the Fourth of July holiday by playing a round of golf by himself, is about to tee off when a salesman runs up to him and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!”
The IT guy, annoyed, says, “What is it?”
“It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!”
“Whattaya mean,” scoffs the Network Manager, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?”
“No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.”
“Well, what if you hit it into the woods?”
“Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.”
“Okay,” says the IT guy, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?”
“No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!”
The Network Manager buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?”
“I found it.”
July 2, 2025
When a co-worker in the front office of our Data Center became engaged, a Network Engineer colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.”
“How long have you been married?” the co-worker asked.
“Ten years,” the Network Engineer replied.
June 29, 2025
Overheard in the CAD Graphics Department: Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.
June 27, 2025
Network Manager to Senior Network Engineer: When you look into the abyss, it’s not supposed to wave back.
June 26, 2025
Our Network Manager left Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip to an IT conference and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her new email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, our Network Manager missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the computer screen and let out a piercing scream.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this message on the screen: “Dearest Wife: I just got checked in. Everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband.
P.S. It sure is hot down here.”
June 24, 2025
Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall the universe and reboot.
June 22, 2025
Keyboard: Device used to enter errors into the Computer.
June 20, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it’s almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail and Chat, which now send data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.
June 19, 2025
Our Network Manager, Howard, came home from work in the Data Center one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud.
“What’s the matter, darling?” he asked her.
“I just don’t know what to do,” said Miriam. “Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner – but the dog has just eaten it.”
“Don’t worry,” said our intrepid Network Manager, “I’ll get us another dog.”
June 17, 2025
IT Professor: For every Computer Science student with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
June 16, 2025
Senior Network Engineer: All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?
June 15, 2025
What the Engineer says
(What is really meant)
A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still grasping at straws.)
We’re working on a fresh approach to the problem.
(We just hired three kids fresh out of college.)
Close project coordination.
(We know who to blame.)
Major technological break through.
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)
Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.
(We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.)
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
Test results were extremely gratifying.
(We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.)
The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only person who understood the thing quit.)
It is in process.
(It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.)
We’ll look into it.
(Forget it! We have enough problems for now.)
Please read and initial.
(Let’s spread the responsibility for the mistake.)
Give us the benefit of your thoughts.
(We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.)
Give us your interpretation.
(I can’t wait to hear this!)
All new!
(Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.)
Rugged
(Too heavy to lift!)
Lightweight
(Lighter than rugged.)
Years of development
(One finally worked.)
Energy saving
(Achieved when the power switch is off.)
Low maintenance
(Impossible to fix if broken.)
June 13, 2025
Little known law of physics: Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
June 10, 2025
My printer’s name is Bob Marley because it’s always jammin’.
June 8, 2025
One year, two Computer Science majors took a LAN/WAN Networking class at the University and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms – so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two IT students were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the final being on Monday, they decided to go out to party with some friends. They had a great time.
However, they overslept and didn’t make it to the exam in time. Rather than taking the final then, they found the Computer Science professor afterwards and explained to him how they missed it.
The two Networking students told him they went away for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare. They couldn’t fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus.
The IT professor thought this over and agreed that they could take the LAN/WAN Networking final the following day. The two IT majors, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time the Networking class professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem which was something simple; it was worth 5 points. “Cool,” they thought, “this is going to be easy.”
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. The question contained only two words: (95 points) “Which tire?”
June 6, 2025
Keyboard not connected, press <Fl> to continue.
June 4, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all of the facts.
June 3, 2025
Jamie was a Network Manager who lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in a large bank’s Data Center Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night.
One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so the Network Manager decided to stop at a nearby bar.
When he got back to the pier, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Jamie, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
“How did you like that jump, buddy?” said the proud Network Manager to a deck hand.
“It was great,” said the sailor. “But why didn’t you wait? We were just pulling in!”
June 1, 2025
Network Manager: Always be wary of any networking device that weighs less than its operating manual.
May 30, 2025
Video Gamer: Reality is for people who can’t face science fiction.
May 29, 2025
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young network engineer and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling.
They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office, he jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion: “What seems to be the problem?”
Immediately, the network engineer held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 5… 10… 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat there – speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the network engineer, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”
The network engineer scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
May 27, 2025
Network Manager: Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
May 25, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: “Constants aren’t; variables don’t.”
May 23, 2025
A scientist at a large research lab that included an employee gym, got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room. So now he was completely naked in the halls.
He felt pretty ridiculous.
Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until he reached the Research & Development department. He walked in and said to the head scientist, “I think we can report the partial success of the personal invisibility device!”
May 21, 2025
Senior Network Engineer to Junior Network Engineer in the server room: Real network pro’s don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
May 19, 2025
Network Manager: The Quantum Networking expert is a person who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
May 17, 2025
Network Engineer: We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
May 16, 2025
A dangerous new virus is being distributed electronically. It is called the Worm Overload Recreation Killer (WORK). You can get WORK from your boss or colleagues. Do not touch it. The virus will wipe out your private life.
If you come into contact with WORK, there are two antidotes. You can purchase Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). They’re available at your local grocery store.
Take repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated. Forward this warning to five friends. If you don’t have five friends, you’re already infected with WORK and it is controlling your life.
May 14, 2025
Network Manager: The other day I tried to make a chemistry joke, but got no reaction.
May 12, 2025
CIO: Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
May 10, 2025
One day, two network engineers were carpooling to work at a Data Center. On the way to the large server farm, they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red.
The network engineer driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!” Then the driver responded, “Don’t worry, my mother always drives like this.”
So later on, the two network engineers came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!”
The driver looked at the passenger and responded, “I get it! But like I told you already, my mother drives like this all the time!”
Again, the two network engineers ran into another light. This time it was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car. “What the hell are you doing?,” the passenger screamed. “This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”
The driver replied, “That’s my mom’s car coming over there!”
May 8, 2025
Network Engineering Intern: “I don’t know what you call a small spillage from a pen but I have an inkling.”
May 7, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: “The problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you’re finished.”
May 3, 2025
Joe and Frank, two senior network engineers, were in the new Data Center and noticed that the Network Manager had put up a suggestion box in the server room with some 3×5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out.
Joe wrote: “The network engineers should all be given raises!”
When he looked at Frank’s card, it said: “Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal admins, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and holidays on St. Patrick’s Day, Columbus Day, and Martin Luther King’s birthday?”
Joe said, “Frank, that isn’t the right way of getting things changed around here. You shouldn’t put all of your begs in one ask-it.”
May 1, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center parking lot: “There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It’s called Monday.”
April 30, 2025
CIO: The person who knows HOW will always have a job, but the person who knows WHY will always be the boss.
April 28, 2025
My wife and I – both Computer Science and Cybersecurity graduate students – recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife’s insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.
We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby’s crib, I heard her mutter, “The only thing in the house that’s paid for, and it leaks.”
April 27, 2025
A Network Engineering Intern went into the local mall where he saw a sign on the escalator – “Dogs must be carried on this escalator.”
The Network Engineering Intern then spent the next two hours looking for a dog.
April 26, 2025
Why did the network systems programmer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
April 24, 2025
Overheard among network engineering student interns in the Data Center cafeteria:
“Organic chemistry is the study of carbon compounds.”
“Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that wriggle.”
April 22, 2025
C++ Software Developer: “Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
Network Engineer: “No…”
C++ Software Developer: “Inheritance.”
April 20, 2025
Network Manager: “If everyone is thinking alike, then no one is thinking.”
April 18, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: “Your argument is sound, nothing but sound.”
April 16, 2025
A severely introverted network engineer was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.”
The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, and growled, “From now on you’re taking orders from me. I want my dinner right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?”
“I certainly do,” said the network engineer’s wife calmly, “the undertaker.”
April 14, 2025
VP of Networking: If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
April 12, 2025
Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall the universe and reboot.
April 9, 2025
It was graduation day at MIT and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father, a cranky network engineer.
“Let’s try to make this look natural,” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.”
The techie father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?”
April 8, 2025
Network Manager: I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
April 6, 2025
Jane was reading a news article, while her husband, our Network Manager, was engrossed in a Youtube video. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”
“Hmmm,” the Network Manager said, not looking up from his computer screen. Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”
“Absolutely not,” he said.
“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”
“Season’s more than half over,” our intrepid Network Manager said.
April 4, 2025
Senior Network Engineer to Junior Network Engineer: “If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.”
April 2, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center: He’s out of his depth on a wet pavement.
April 1, 2025
Two network engineers working in a Data Center were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.
“How are you going to do that?”
“Watch,” he replied, and just stood in place.
The Network Manager soon asked what he was doing, and the network engineer responded, “I’m a light bulb.”
“I think you need some time off,” the Network Manager said, and the first network engineer walked out of the Data Center.
After a moment, the second network engineer followed him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the Network Manager shouted.
“I can’t work in the dark,” the second network engineer said.
March 30, 2025
Chemical engineers never die, they just fail to react.
March 29, 2025
Network Manager: Always be wary of any network device that weighs less than its operating manual.
March 27, 2025
A recently retired Network Engineer was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened.
The former IT guy said, “They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake.”
March 26, 2025
Network Analyst: When a network time clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
March 24, 2025
Network Engineer’s lament: My grandfather invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off.
March 23, 2025
In the Data Center cafeteria one day, I connected with a fellow network engineer that I hadn’t seen in a while. He was telling me about his latest girlfriend. “How old is she?” I asked.
“She’s 19,” he answered.
“19? That’s not bad, I mean, you are only 23. That is just a 4-year difference,” I replied.
“I know,” he answered, “and she’s so mature, its like she’s 20.”
March 20, 2025
How does a Quantum computing researcher freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
March 18, 2025
Why did the network software developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
March 17, 2025
A Network Manager is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in network technical support,” says the Network Manager.
“I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well” says the Network Manager, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless.”
The man below says: “You must be in network management.”
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re still in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
March 16, 2025
Network systems programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
March 14, 2025
What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his smartphone?
Snapchat.
March 12, 2025
A pastor, a doctor and a network engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Network Engineer: “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”
Doctor: “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”
Pastor: “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
George: “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free.”
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
Doctor: “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
Network Engineer: “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
March 9, 2025
Network Documentation is the castor oil of programming…
Network Managers know it must be good because the systems programmers hate it so much.
March 7, 2025
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
March 6, 2025
A Network Engineer on vacation from his job at a large Data Center, was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”
The Network Engineer sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”
The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You’re going to have to think of another wish.”
The Network Engineer agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’, and know how to make them truly happy.”
The genie paused for a while and said, “How many lanes do you want on that bridge?”
March 3, 2025
Network Manager: The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity – the rest is overhead for the operating system.
March 1, 2025
CIO: If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
February 27, 2025
An elderly lady phoned Verizon to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called – and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always barked right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.
The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog barked loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and then urinate on the ground.
4. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
February 25, 2025
Data Center Dictionary Entry:
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
February 24, 2025
How did the mouse get out of the newly renovated Notre Dame Cathedral?
He clicked on an icon and opened a window.
February 23, 2025
Our Network Manager had been suffering from severe headaches for a long time with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor.
The doctor asks the Network Manager what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches, with this piercing pain and…”
He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear.”
“Yes! Exactly! How did you know?”
“Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I also suffered from that same type of headache for many years. Here’s how I cured it: Every day I would ask my wife to give me a neck massage. This would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.”
Two weeks go by and the Network Manager is back.
“Well, how do you feel?”
“Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment, I can’t thank you enough. And by the way, you have a great house.”
February 21, 2025
Network Manager to newly hired Junior Network Engineer: “The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.”
February 20, 2025
Adam and Eve were the first people to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
February 16, 2025
My Network Manager and I were on the phone and he was telling me that the major problem nowadays is information overload. His theory sounded reasonable, and I figured if I agreed with him enough then he would put me out of my misery by letting me get off the phone.
“I’m glad it makes sense to you,” Network Manager spoke at lightning pace. “I just emailed you the research that should solidify the idea in your head.”
I opened the email, and attached was a twelve page document in small print. Before I knew what was happening I heard myself say, “Are you kidding me? You just explained to me how ‘information overload’ is creating an apathetic world and now you want me to read all this? Send it to me when the Cliff Notes are available, OK?”
February 15, 2025
Did you hear about the network engineer who bought his girlfriend beads for an abacus for Valentine’s Day?
It’s the little things that count.
February 13, 2025
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in the Server Room in your underwear during a fire drill. Then don’t follow that dream.
February 9, 2025
A CIO tells his Network Manager: “My wife’s credit card got stolen last week.”
“That’s a shame,” says the Network Manager, “have you told the police?”
“No way,” replies the CIO, “the thief is spending less than she did.”
February 7, 2025
Network Manager: The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
February 5, 2025
One of my third-graders came to school crying.
“Jonathan’s upset because he couldn’t complete his math homework,” his mother explained.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“Apparently,” she said, “our computer doesn’t have Roman numerals.”
February 3, 2025
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
February 1, 2025
Our Network Manager, on a trip to an “AI in Networking” Symposium, boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
“This is the Jackport diamond,” she said. “It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.”
“What’s the curse?” the Network Manager asked.
“Mr. Jackport.”
January 30, 2025
A Senior Product Manager for a major networking technology firm walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, no drinks, but we’ll consider adding them later.”
January 29, 2025
Two network engineers met for dinner and were talking about past work in the Data Center, when one asked, “Say, why did the Network Manager fire you?”
Replied the second, “Well, you know how a Network Manager is always standing around and watching others do the work. My Network Manager got jealous. Data Center staff started thinking I was the Network Manager.”
January 26, 2025
A network engineer was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out.
The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes.”
“All right,” said the IT guy, “I wish for more genies.”
January 25, 2025
I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.
January 24, 2025
A year-long argument was finally settled a few days ago with a conference in the Mayor’s office. The situation involved a double-booking of the Town Hall, with a computer trade show and a Shakespeare appreciation society performance. After hearing demands from both parties, the Mayor and the town’s entertainment committee discussed the matter and decided to let the Shakespeare appreciation society use the hall for their performance.
It just goes to show that “actors speak louder than nerds!”
January 20, 2025
Network Manager: If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
January 19, 2025
In a small town in the Midwest, there was a big Data Center that hired only married men as network engineers.
Concerned about this, a local woman called the network manager and asked him: “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous … or what?”
“Not at all, ma’am,” the network manager replied. “It is because our network engineers are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut, and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
January 18, 2025
What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
January 14, 2025
A Network Engineer approached his Network Manager and asked for a raise.
“Well” began the head man, “business is bad now, Jack, and I just can’t afford to give you a raise.”
“But I’m doing the work of three network engineer’s and I always have…” retorted Jack.
“Three network engineers’ work?” exploded the Network Manager. “Tell me who the other two are, and I’ll fire them!”
January 12, 2025
I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a motherboard?” and he said, “I tell her about my job.”
January 11, 2025
Dear Data Center Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I’m sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service.
Please either take 9,400 days off work or, if you wish monetary compensation, notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing
January 9, 2025
What was a more useful invention than the first telephone?
The second telephone.
January 8, 2025
You Know You Are a Geek When
You look at a movie trailer and think, “I have that font.”
You get bittersweet nostalgic feelings about your long-lost Commodore 64 (or Sinclair ZX-81, TRS-80, etc.) and use large amounts of money and time trying to track one down.
You have more e-mail addresses than pairs of shoes.
Although vaguely insulted by pocket-protector jokes, you still find them funny.
Someone asks you what languages you know, and you reply: “Python, C, C++, React, Assembler, Javascript.”
January 6, 2025
A network software QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2.5 million beers, a dog, and leaves without paying.
January 1, 2025
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU’RE A NERD
I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical.
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
I will stop sending e-mail, Chat, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line.
No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
I resolve to back up my new 4 TB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…
I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.
I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.