IT work is serious business, but we all need an occasional break…
That’s why we have started this IT Jokes Blog. Stop by occasionally to see a new IT- related or “geeky” joke and have a quick laugh on us. Note that we claim no authorship, ownership, nor copyrights on these jokes; rather, we are just informally passing them along to you as we normally would do “at the watercooler”. By the way, if you have a great IT-related or geeky joke that you would like to see posted, please send it to sales@netcablesplus.com.
But first, a serious question: Are you an older job seeker facing ageism in hiring? Read this first!
Now, have a quick laugh with this brief video that offers an unique answer to those puzzling network glitches that always seem to crop up in the data center:
JOKE ARCHIVE: 2025 | 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 | 2019 | 2018 | 2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014 | 2013
June 21, 2026
I’m Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.
June 19, 2026
Jane purchased her first car, and was having trouble tuning her radio to the station she wanted. She returned to the dealership and confronted the salesman, complaining about the radio.
“Miss,” the salesperson said, “this is a very sophisticated radio that uses AI voice control. There is no requirement to use the buttons or dials. You just give voice commands for whatever type of program you desire.”
So after she received her instructions, she headed out on the highway. “Country Music,” she said, and instantly the radio switched to a country station.
After a while she said, “Oldies,” and the radio complied.
A few minutes later, a woman cut her off in traffic.
“Stupid, inconsiderate #@$%&*!” Lisa yelled.
The AI-powered radio paused for a second, and then Lisa heard a soothing voice say, “Hello again and welcome back to the program. We’ll now continue with our talk show. Today, let’s talk about the benefits of anger management…”
June 17, 2026
What footwear do network servers love the most?
Re-boots.
June 14, 2026
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend.
She was obsessed with an X.
June 12, 2026
A Network Engineer’s Quest
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:
M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503
along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set it aside until the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
June 9, 2026
Where do dads store their dad jokes?
In the dad-a-base.
June 8, 2026
Network Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code.
June 6, 2026
Two Network Engineers are standing on the tee at an exclusive golf club. Suddenly the first IT guy starts holding his ear and listening intently. Noticing the look of confusion on his network engineer partner’s face, he explains that he has had his mobile phone receiver implanted into his ear so that he can pick up urgent messages from the office.
At the second hole he starts to talk loudly to nobody in particular. Once again the first network engineer explains that using the latest state-of-the-art technology he has had one of his teeth microchipped, allowing him to speak to clients without the inconvenience of holding a phone to his ear.
Suddenly on the third hole he screws up his face, clutches his stomach, darts behind a bush, drops his trousers, and squats.
His IT partner cannot believe what he is seeing, and shouts, “What the heck are you doing?”
To which the other IT guy replies, “Be with you in a minute…just gotta print something!”
June 4, 2026
Video Gamer Question:
What does a vegan zombie like to eat?
Graaains.
June 3, 2026
VP of Networking: “What do you call someone who enjoys Mondays? Retired.”
June 1, 2026
A Network Manager has to take on some sport, by his doctor’s orders, so he decides to play tennis.
After a couple of days his Admin asks him how he’s doing.
“It’s going fine,” the network manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, ‘To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!'”
“Really? What happens then?” the Admin asks.
“Then my body says, ‘Who? Me?'”
May 31, 2026
CIO: I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
May 29, 2026
In our community, you must call the utilities companies before you dig any kind of hole. So, when we moved into our new home, I called them before digging a hole for our mailbox, and they came to spray-paint the ground the next day.
I’m a network engineer, so I was having a bit of fun that afternoon deciding which colors were water, sewer, and electric services. Then I came to a strange symbol they had spray-painted close to the curb. It didn’t match anything I had ever seen on any engineering drawings. It wasn’t a symbol for a transformer, or an underground meter, and I just couldn’t figure it out. It was a semi-circle over two dots, with a full circle around the whole thing, with another dot right in the middle of the circle.
As I stood and stared, I began to walk around the marking. When I got to the other side, I realized it was the international symbol that told me to dig my hole right there – It was a smiley face!
May 25, 2026
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
May 24, 2026
Cop: “I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.”
Man: “Wait! I can explain everything!”
May 22, 2026
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the “most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.”
* You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind.
* Talc is found on rocks and on babies.
* The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
* South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
* There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
* Lime is a green-tasting rock.
* Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
* In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.
* Clouds are high flying fogs.
* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
* Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
* Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.
* We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.
* In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
* A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
* A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
* A monsoon is a French gentleman.
* It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
* The wind is like the air, only pushier.
May 20, 2026
Network Engineer: My wife told me she didn’t understand cloning. I told her, “That makes two of us.”
May 18, 2026
How do trees get on the Internet?
They log in.
May 17, 2026
A Network Engineer walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes that are clearly undersized for him.
The salesman says, “But, sir, I can see from up here that you’ll need much bigger shoes than that.”
The IT guy says, “That’s OK, please bring me the smaller ones.”
The salesman brings them, the Network Engineer stuffs his feet into them, ties them tight, and then he stands up, obviously in pain.
The salesman just has to ask, “Sir, why must you have these undersized shoes?”
The IT guy says to the salesman, “I work a boring job in a large Data Center, my mother-in-law has just moved in with us, my wife is nagging all the time, and our daughter does nothing but run around screaming the whole day. The only pleasure I have in life is taking off these damn shoes.”
May 13, 2026
Prior to getting into IT, I studied marine biology. One day, my wife and I were driving and enjoying the beautiful spring weather. She looked up to the clouds and exclaimed, “That cloud looks like a whale’s tail!”
I took a quick look and replied, “Nah, It’s just a fluke…”
May 12, 2026
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged?
I hear they met on the web.
May 10, 2026
Video Gamer’s Thoughts on Mother’s Day
I firmly believe that my mother is a spy. Not the run of the mill, garden variety snoop, but a hard core, James Bond-rivaling agent of intrigue and defender of national security. Not only did she have eyes in the back of her head, but there were other clues to tip me off, as well.
Mom always knew what I had plotted to do, even before I’d done anything. When I was a teenager, heading out the door to my friend’s house where we conspired to stay up all night making prank phone calls and watching the forbidden “R” rated movies, she would forewarn, “behave yourself” or “don’t even think about it.” How did she know?
Obviously, she could read my face. Randomly, during the school year, she would ask if my grades were good — to which I would always respond in the affirmative. “Look me in the eyes,” she would say. Oh no, not the eyes! It was a truth serum no one could deny. My teenage subterfuge tactics were no match for her all knowing eyes. I, predictably, spent the remainder of the semester studying in my room.
Clearly, she had completed a detailed regimen of specialized training. She was accomplished at her craft; the best in her field. Whenever a toy broke in our house, mom knew how to fix it (High-tech Gadgetry Repair 101). The picture in her High School annual didn’t even resemble her (obviously, a master of disguise). And, she apparently had instruction as a Quick-Change artist. In the blink of an eye, she could progress from point A: making breakfast for the family while still in her bathrobe and sporting pink foam hair curlers, to point B: dressed to the nines and ready to leave the house for church.
Her stealth-mode capabilities annoyed me most. The minute I divulged a deep, dark secret to my best friend, there she was, out of nowhere. Never mind the fact that she spoke in unbreakable code to her “friends” on the telephone, but she hid Christmas presents so even foreign intelligence satellites couldn’t locate them.
The guilt glare topped her repertoire. Presumably, a secret bio-chemical compound tainted her searing stare, rendering me helpless to its power. Even the strongest of super heroes would fold under the pressure. Confessions spilled out of me, before I even had a chance to think.
Her extra sensory perception spanned space and time. While I was away at college (300 miles from home), she somehow knew I was living on junk food, leaving my dirty clothes on the floor, and staying up too late gabbing with my roommate, prompting me to sweep the dorm room for listening devices.
Bottomline: my Mother is a world-class spy.
May 9, 2026
I just found out that Albert Einstein actually existed.
My whole life, I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
May 8, 2026
A Network Manager and his wife were driving their car across the country to an Artificial Intelligence conference and were nearing a town with a strange name. They tried to figure out how to pronounce it and argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, the IT guy asked the employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?”
The girl leaned over the counter and said, “Resssss, tauuuuu, raaaaant.”
May 3, 2026
I was in a job interview for a Network Engineer position in a major Data Center the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
May 1, 2026
Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization:
“Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization! IT REALLY WORKS!”
April 28, 2026
Three Network Engineers enters a large electronics store. After browsing for a bit, they purchase some laptops and other computing accessories and head for the large counter at the front of the store.
They notice a robotic seal standing in a corner. It is dressed in a tuxedo and each time goods are packaged the seal nods as if in agreement.
After the third purchase is made one of the Network Engineers asks the counter assistant why the robot nods each time.
The assistant replies: “Oh, that’s our seal of approval.”
April 27, 2026
What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his phone?
Snapchat.
April 24, 2026
Network Security Engineer: “I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
April 22, 2026
My teenage son was playing one of his video games while I worked in the kitchen near him.
He asked, “Mom, what does ‘veni, vidi, vici’ mean?”
I answered, “It means ‘I came, I saw, I conquered.’ Why do you ask?”
He said, “It’s here on my game.”
A short while later I heard him say, “Been there, done that … What was the third one, Mom?”
April 21, 2026
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars, until I learned that they wouldn’t support windows.
April 19, 2026
Overheard in the Data Center cafeteria:
“I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.”
April 18, 2026
User Manuals in the Data Center
We all have had to deal with user manuals that were not as clear and concise as we wanted them to be. Well, fear not, the manual you are about to read leaves nothing to be desired.
IMPORTANT! READ THIS BEFORE USING YOUR NEW DEVICE
Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtedly will destroy it via some typical bone-headed consumer maneuvers. Which is why we ask you to: PLEASE READ THIS OWNER’S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.
You already unpacked it, didn’t you? You unpacked it and turned it on and fiddled with the buttons, right? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?!?
We’re sorry. We just get a little irate sometimes because we’re always getting back “defective” merchandise where it turns out that the consumer inadvertently deep-froze the device for six days. Now let’s talk about it:
1. UNPACKING THE DEVICE
The device is encased in foam to protect it from the shipping people, who like nothing more than to jab spears into outgoing boxes. PLEASE INSPECT THE CONTENTS CAREFULLY FOR GASHES OR SUE BARKER’S ENGAGEMENT RING, WHICH SHE LOST LAST WEEK, AND SHE THINKS MAYBE IT WAS WHILE SHE WAS PACKING DEVICES.
Sue really wants that ring back because it is her only proof of engagement, and her fiance, Stuart, is now seriously considering backing out on the whole thing. It is not without irony that Sue’s last name is “Barker”, if you get our drift.
WARNING: DO NOT EVER, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE, THROW AWAY THE BOX OR ANY OF THE PIECES OF STYROFOAM, EVEN THE LITTLE ONES SHAPED LIKE PEANUTS. If you attempt to return the device to the store, and you are missing one single peanut, the store personnel will reject your refund claim.
Besides the device, the box should also contain:
* Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say “WARNING”.
* A little plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns. YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of cable.
* IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your co-worker and say “Margaret, you know why this country can’t make a car that can get through half the driveway without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that’s why.” WARNING: This is assuming your co-worker’s name is Margaret. And not Pete.
2. PLUGGING IN THE DEVICE
The plug on this device represents the latest thinking of the electrical industry, which, in a continuing effort to improve safety developed this revolutionary new plug whose prongs consist of six small figurines made of chocolate. DO NOT TRY TO PLUG IT IN! Lay it gently on the floor near an outlet, but out of direct sunlight, and clean it weekly with a handkerchief.
3. OPERATION OF THE DEVICE
WARNING: WE MANUFACTURE ONLY THE ATTRACTIVE DESIGNER CASE. THE ACTUAL WORKING CENTRAL PARTS OF THE DEVICE ARE MANUFACTURED IN JAPAN. THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE TRANSLATED BY MRS. SHIRLEY SANDERS OF ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE, WHO HAS NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN TO JAPAN BUT KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS FRIENDS THERE.
INSTRUCTIONS: For results that can be the finest, it is our advising that: NEVER to hold these buttons two times!! Except the battery.
Next taking the (something) earth section may cause a large occurrence! However. If this is not a trouble, such rotation is a very maintenance action, as a kindly (something) viewpoint from Drawing B.
4. WARRANTY
Be it hereby known that this device, together with but not excluding all those certain parts thereunto, shall be warranted against all defects, failures and malfunctions as shall occur between now and Thursday afternoon shortly before midnight, during which time the manufacturer will, at no charge to the owner, send the device to our service people, who will emerge from their caves and engage in rituals designed to cleanse it of evil spirits.
This warranty does not cover the attractive designer case.
PS: SUE REALLY WANTS THAT ENGAGEMENT RING BACK.
April 16, 2026
One Video Gamer to another: Reality is just where our worlds overlap.
April 14, 2026
I can’t remember a life before Google.
Fortunately, I can Google it.
April 12, 2026
A Short History of Medicine – How humanity has treated illness:
Approximately at the beginning of recorded medical history – “Here, eat this root.”
Year 1000 – “That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.”
Year 1800 – “That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.”
Year 1900 – “That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.”
Year 1950 – “That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.”
Year 2025 – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.”
April 10, 2026
Overheard in the Data Center cafeteria: I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
April 9, 2026
Network Engineer: I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask, “Are you an item?”
April 7, 2026
My husband, a Network Manager at a major Data Center, bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. He set it up in the basement but didn’t use it much, so he moved it to the bedroom. It gathered dust there, too, so he put it in the living room.
Weeks later I asked my techie husband how it was going.
“I was right,” he said. “I do get more exercise now. Every time I close the drapes, I have to walk around the machine.”
April 5, 2026
Philosophical CIO: I doubt, therefore, I might be.
April 4, 2026
Overheard in the Server Room: I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.
April 1, 2026
Network Manager: “I got a new hearing aid, it works really well, I can hear everything now!”
Network Engineer: “Amazing! What kind is it?”
Network Manager: “1:30.”
March 30, 2026
Sign in the Data Center cafeteria:
Monday Special, two Valiums with a coffee chaser.
March 29, 2026
Two hardcore video gamers were chatting. “I’ve just bought a pig,” said the first.
“But where will you keep it?” said the second. “Your yard’s much too small for a pig!”
“I’m going to keep it under my bed,” replied his friend.
“But what about the smell?”
“He’ll get used to it.”
March 25, 2026
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
March 23, 2026
Video Gamer: Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it in a remote location.
March 21, 2026
Data Center Rules To Live By
1. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
2. It doesn’t matter what IT job you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.
3. Network Engineers who go to conferences are usually the ones who shouldn’t.
4. When the IT bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
5. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
6. You are always doing something insignificant when the Network Manager drops by your desk.
7. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
8. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
9. The last Network Engineer that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
March 20, 2026
Video Gamer: So I asked Siri to dial up the spiritual leader of Tibet and they sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out, we phoned Dial a Llama.
March 18, 2026
Overheard in the Server Room: Keep the dream alive — hit your snooze button.
March 17, 2026
After a long day of work in the Data Center, a network engineer of Irish descent walks into a nightclub to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, but the bouncer says, “Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place.”
Our intrepid IT guy goes back to his car and rummages around, but there’s no necktie to be found. Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says…”Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don’t start anything!”
March 15, 2026
What happens when you witness an Apple store get robbed?
You become an iWitness!
March 13, 2026
CTO: The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this.
March 10, 2026
A Computer Science student fell into a cycle of IT classes, studying, working and sleeping.
He didn’t realize how long he had neglected sending an email update home until he received the following note:
“Dear Son,
Your mother and I enjoyed your last message.
Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable.
Love, Dad.”
March 8, 2026
I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask, “Are you an item?”
March 7, 2026
Today, I plan to attach a light to the ceiling in the server room, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.
March 4, 2026
“Hello?”
“I am John with the C.I.A.”
“I know.”
“And how do you know that?”
“You called a phone that has no SIM card, no battery, and it’s broken.”
March 2, 2026
At the Data Center job interview for a network engineering position, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told them, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
February 28, 2026
My ex and I had a very amicable divorce.
I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.
February 27, 2026
Imagine if a restaurant visit was like getting tech support – it might go something like this:
Patron: “Waiter!”
Waiter: “Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your support waiter. What seems to be the problem?”
Patron: “There’s a fly in my soup!”
Waiter: “Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.”
Patron: “No, it’s still there.”
Waiter: “Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.”
Patron: “Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.”
Waiter: “Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?”
Patron: “A SOUP bowl!”
Waiter: “Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?”
Patron: “You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!”
Waiter: “Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?”
Patron: “I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!”
Waiter: “Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?”
Patron: “You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?”
Waiter: “Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.”
Patron: “Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?”
Waiter: “The current Soup of the Day is tomato.”
Patron: “Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I’m running late now!”
The waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.
Waiter: “Here you are, sir. The soup and your check.”
Patron: “This is potato soup.”
Waiter: “Yes, the tomato soup wasn’t ready yet.”
Patron: “Well, I’m so hungry now, I’ll eat anything.”
The waiter leaves.
Patron: “Waiter! There’s a gnat in my soup!”
The check:
Soup of the Day…$5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day…$2.50
Access to support…$1.00
February 23, 2026
Give me the calculator.
Friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
February 22, 2026
What brand of underwear do thermal scientists wear?
Kelvin Klein.
February 20, 2026
Overheard in the Data Center
“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?”
She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.”
February 19, 2026
Ten Ways You Know Your Internet Connection is A Little Slow
1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code.
2. Graphics arrive via FedEx.
3. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection.
4. You post a message to your favorite social media site and it displays a week later.
5. Your credit card expires while ordering online.
6. ESPN Web site exhibits “Heisman Trophy Winner”…for 2012.
7. You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “PacMan”.
8. Everyone you talk to on VOIP sounds like Forrest Gump.
9. You receive e-mails with stamps on them.
10. When you click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.
February 17, 2026
How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?
The answer will shock you!
February 15, 2026
Where does an electric power cord go shopping?
The outlet mall, of course!
February 13, 2026
Data Center Management Review of Writing Style
Question: How many feet do mice have?
Original reply: Mice have four feet.
Mgmt. Comment: Elaborate!
Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
Mgmt. Comment: No discussion of fifth appendage!
Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet and one is a tail.
Mgmt. Comment: What? Feet with no legs?
Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per unit-mouse.
Mgmt. Comment: Confusing — is that a total of 9 appendages?
Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body.
Mgmt. Comment: Does not fully discuss the issue!
Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not equipped with a foot.
Mgmt. Comment: Descriptive? Yes. Forceful? NO!
Revision 6: Allotment appendages for mice will be: Four leg-foot assemblies, one tail. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
Mgmt. Comment: Too authoritative; stifles creativity!
Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and ornamental in nature.
Mgmt. Comment: Too verbose/scientific. Answer the question!
FINAL REVISION APPROVED BY DATA CENTER MANAGEMENT: Mice have four feet.
February 11, 2026
I used to run a dating website for chickens.
But I was struggling to make hens meet.
February 9, 2026
Network Management Theorem: Any technical problem can be overcome, given enough time and money.
Network Management Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
February 8, 2026
An IT efficiency expert concluded his presentation at a major Data Center with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”
“Why not?” asked a systems programmer from the audience.
“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the IT efficiency expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ‘Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”
“Did it save time?” a network engineer in the audience asked.
“Actually, yes,” replied the IT efficiency expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
February 6, 2026
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
February 4, 2026
Overheard in the Server Room
I don’t think my postman likes me.
I was mailing some photographs to my cousin — yes, we used to do this in the days before digital and yes, I am a dinosaur! anyway… — and on the envelope I had printed – PHOTOGRAPHS DO NOT BEND.
He folded the envelope in half and wrote on the outside, “Oh yes they do.”
February 3, 2026
Senior Network Engineer: I tell my Network Manager, if I say I’ll do something, consider it done. She doesn’t have to remind me every six months.
February 1, 2026
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, the dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
“Oh yeah?” the video gamer son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
January 30, 2026
Network Manager: Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
January 29, 2026
An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, “How do you feel?”
“How would you feel,” the astronaut replied, “if you were stuck here, on top of thousands or even millions of parts, each one supplied by the lowest bidder?”
January 27, 2026
Data Center Communications
The Network Manager says, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
The Corporate General Counsel writes, “Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures.”
January 24, 2026
CIO: The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
January 23, 2026
Rules for Buying Gifts for Network Engineers
Rule #1: When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a Network Engineers, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Network Engineers love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Network Engineers love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: You can buy Network Engineers new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #5: Buy Network Engineers label makers. They are almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #6: Never buy a Network Engineer anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #7: Network Engineers enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook-but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Rule #8: Network Engineers love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why-please refer to Rule #5 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #9: It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real Network Engineers a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #10: Rope. Network Engineers love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one knows why.
January 20, 2026
Our Network Manager is going to fire the network engineer with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
January 18, 2026
A student Machine Learning engineer in our Data Center got engaged. On the first day she wore her ring, none of the other women in the office even noticed.
Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said, “Wow! It’s so warm in here today, I think I’ll take off my ring.”
January 15, 2026
WARNING, CAUTION, DANGER, AND BEWARE!
Gullibility Virus Spreading over the Internet!
The Institute for the Investigation of Irregular Internet Phenomena announced today that many Internet users are becoming infected by a new virus that causes them to believe without question every groundless story, legend, and dire warning that shows up on the internet.
The Gullibility Virus, as it is called, apparently makes people believe and share copies of silly hoaxes relating to all kinds of topics. “These are not just people who follow all advice found in horoscopes,” a spokesman said. “Most are otherwise normal people, who would laugh at the same stories if told to them by a stranger on a street corner.”
However, once these same people become infected with the Gullibility Virus, they believe anything they read on the Internet. One weeping victim reported, “When I first heard about those things, I just accepted them without question. After all, there were dozens of other people believing it, so I thought the virus must be true.”
Now, however, she is spreading the word. “Challenge and check whatever you read,” she says. Internet users are urged to examine themselves for symptoms of the virus, which include the following: The willingness to believe improbable stories without thinking; The urge to share multiple copies of such stories with others; A lack of desire to take three minutes to check to see if a story is true.
D.S. is an example of someone recently infected. He told one reporter, “I read somewhere that the major ingredient in almost all shampoos makes your hair fall out, so I’ve stopped using shampoo.” Anyone with symptoms like these is urged to seek help immediately.
Experts recommend that at the first feelings of gullibility, Internet users rush to their favorite search engine or LLM and look up the item tempting them to thoughtless credence. Most hoaxes, legends, and tall tales have been widely discussed and exposed by the Internet community.
Lastly, as a public service, Internet users can help stamp out the Gullibility Virus by reminding others what to watch out for.
For every unbelievable message you share with some unsuspecting person, the Home for the Hopelessly Gullible will donate ten cents to itself.
January 13, 2026
Our Network Engineering Intern was sitting on the toilet in the Data Center main restroom. He sees written on the stall door:
“Congratulations! You’ve won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left.”
The aspiring Network Engineer looked left and it read: “Look Right.”
He looked right and it read: “Look Left.”
January 11, 2026
Telecom Systems Management Strategic Guide
Lisa had a serious phone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
A brand-new hotel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as her. From the moment the hotel opened, she was besieged by calls not for her.
Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the hotel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it would confuse their customers. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else’s calls 24 hours a day didn’t make it responsible.
After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Lisa decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o’clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the hotel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. She said, “No problem. How many nights?”
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Lisa said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $700 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. “No, that won’t be necessary,” Lisa said. “We trust you.”
The next day was a busy one for Lisa. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers’ convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a class reunion.
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter’s wedding in June. Lisa assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or if she wanted the hotel to take care of it.
The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Lisa was helpful. “There’s no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers.”
Within a few months, the hotel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, reunions and birthday parties and were all told there were no such events.
Lisa had her final revenge when she read that the hotel might be sold. Her phone rang, and an executive from a different hotel chain said, “We’re prepared to negotiate a price with you for the hotel.”
Lisa replied. “Sounds good, I’ve got one condition: You have to change the phone number.”
January 9, 2026
Video Gamer: Don’t hate yourself in the morning — sleep till noon.
January 8, 2026
Things not to say at a Data Center Network Engineer job interview:
1. “I’ll work so hard you won’t even know I’m there.”
2. “I’ll need all my paid vacation time up front so I’ll be rested when I start.”
3. “You can’t turn me down because I smell bad. You have to have a reason.”
4. “When do we eat?”
5. “Can I bring my goat to the company daycare center?”
January 6, 2026
I saw a documentary on how server racks and workstations are kept together. Riveting!
January 2, 2026
Although a bright and able Network Manager at a sprawling Data Center, my husband is almost completely helpless when faced with even the simplest domestic chore.
One day, in exasperation, I pointed out to him that our friend, Betty had taught her husband Frank, to cook, sew and do laundry, and that if anything ever happened to Betty, Frank would be able to care for himself.
Then I said, “What would you do if anything happened to me?”
After considering that possibility for a moment, my techie husband said happily, “I’d move in with Frank.”