IT work is serious business, but we all need an occasional break…
That’s why we have started this IT Jokes Blog. Stop by occasionally to see a new IT- related or “geeky” joke and have a quick laugh on us. Note that we claim no authorship, ownership, nor copyrights on these jokes; rather, we are just informally passing them along to you as we normally would do “at the watercooler”. By the way, if you have a great IT-related or geeky joke that you would like to see posted, please send it to sales@netcablesplus.com.
But first, have a quick laugh with this brief video that offers an unique answer to those puzzling network glitches that always seem to crop up in the data center:
JOKE ARCHIVE: 2024 | 2023 | 2022 | 2021 | 2020 | 2019 | 2018 | 2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014 | 2013
April 20, 2025
Network Manager: “If everyone is thinking alike, then no one is thinking.”
April 18, 2025
Overheard in the Server Room: “Your argument is sound, nothing but sound.”
April 16, 2025
A severely introverted network engineer was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.”
The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, and growled, “From now on you’re taking orders from me. I want my dinner right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes. Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow tie?”
“I certainly do,” said the network engineer’s wife calmly, “the undertaker.”
April 14, 2025
VP of Networking: If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
April 12, 2025
Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall the universe and reboot.
April 9, 2025
It was graduation day at MIT and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father, a cranky network engineer.
“Let’s try to make this look natural,” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.”
The techie father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?”
April 8, 2025
Network Manager: I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
April 6, 2025
Jane was reading a news article, while her husband, our Network Manager, was engrossed in a Youtube video. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”
“Hmmm,” the Network Manager said, not looking up from his computer screen. Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”
“Absolutely not,” he said.
“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”
“Season’s more than half over,” our intrepid Network Manager said.
April 4, 2025
Senior Network Engineer to Junior Network Engineer: “If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.”
April 2, 2025
Overheard in the Data Center: He’s out of his depth on a wet pavement.
April 1, 2025
Two network engineers working in a Data Center were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.
“How are you going to do that?”
“Watch,” he replied, and just stood in place.
The Network Manager soon asked what he was doing, and the network engineer responded, “I’m a light bulb.”
“I think you need some time off,” the Network Manager said, and the first network engineer walked out of the Data Center.
After a moment, the second network engineer followed him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the Network Manager shouted.
“I can’t work in the dark,” the second network engineer said.
March 30, 2025
Chemical engineers never die, they just fail to react.
March 29, 2025
Network Manager: Always be wary of any network device that weighs less than its operating manual.
March 27, 2025
A recently retired Network Engineer was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened.
The former IT guy said, “They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake.”
March 26, 2025
Network Analyst: When a network time clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
March 24, 2025
Network Engineer’s lament: My grandfather invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off.
March 23, 2025
In the Data Center cafeteria one day, I connected with a fellow network engineer that I hadn’t seen in a while. He was telling me about his latest girlfriend. “How old is she?” I asked.
“She’s 19,” he answered.
“19? That’s not bad, I mean, you are only 23. That is just a 4-year difference,” I replied.
“I know,” he answered, “and she’s so mature, its like she’s 20.”
March 20, 2025
How does a Quantum computing researcher freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
March 18, 2025
Why did the network software developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
March 17, 2025
A Network Manager is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must work in network technical support,” says the Network Manager.
“I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well” says the Network Manager, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless.”
The man below says: “You must be in network management.”
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re still in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”
March 16, 2025
Network systems programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
March 14, 2025
What’s Thanos’ favorite app on his smartphone?
Snapchat.
March 12, 2025
A pastor, a doctor and a network engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Network Engineer: “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”
Doctor: “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”
Pastor: “Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
George: “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free.”
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
Doctor: “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
Network Engineer: “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
March 9, 2025
Network Documentation is the castor oil of programming…
Network Managers know it must be good because the systems programmers hate it so much.
March 7, 2025
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
March 6, 2025
A Network Engineer on vacation from his job at a large Data Center, was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”
The Network Engineer sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”
The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You’re going to have to think of another wish.”
The Network Engineer agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment. I want to figure out why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’, and know how to make them truly happy.”
The genie paused for a while and said, “How many lanes do you want on that bridge?”
March 3, 2025
Network Manager: The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity – the rest is overhead for the operating system.
March 1, 2025
CIO: If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
February 27, 2025
An elderly lady phoned Verizon to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called – and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always barked right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house.
The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog barked loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and then urinate on the ground.
4. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
February 25, 2025
Data Center Dictionary Entry:
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
February 24, 2025
How did the mouse get out of the newly renovated Notre Dame Cathedral?
He clicked on an icon and opened a window.
February 23, 2025
Our Network Manager had been suffering from severe headaches for a long time with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor.
The doctor asks the Network Manager what his symptoms are and he replies, “I get these blinding headaches, with this piercing pain and…”
He is interrupted by the doctor, “And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear.”
“Yes! Exactly! How did you know?”
“Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, you know. But I also suffered from that same type of headache for many years. Here’s how I cured it: Every day I would ask my wife to give me a neck massage. This would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.”
Two weeks go by and the Network Manager is back.
“Well, how do you feel?”
“Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment, I can’t thank you enough. And by the way, you have a great house.”
February 21, 2025
Network Manager to newly hired Junior Network Engineer: “The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.”
February 20, 2025
Adam and Eve were the first people to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
February 16, 2025
My Network Manager and I were on the phone and he was telling me that the major problem nowadays is information overload. His theory sounded reasonable, and I figured if I agreed with him enough then he would put me out of my misery by letting me get off the phone.
“I’m glad it makes sense to you,” Network Manager spoke at lightning pace. “I just emailed you the research that should solidify the idea in your head.”
I opened the email, and attached was a twelve page document in small print. Before I knew what was happening I heard myself say, “Are you kidding me? You just explained to me how ‘information overload’ is creating an apathetic world and now you want me to read all this? Send it to me when the Cliff Notes are available, OK?”
February 15, 2025
Did you hear about the network engineer who bought his girlfriend beads for an abacus for Valentine’s Day?
It’s the little things that count.
February 13, 2025
Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in the Server Room in your underwear during a fire drill. Then don’t follow that dream.
February 9, 2025
A CIO tells his Network Manager: “My wife’s credit card got stolen last week.”
“That’s a shame,” says the Network Manager, “have you told the police?”
“No way,” replies the CIO, “the thief is spending less than she did.”
February 7, 2025
Network Manager: The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
February 5, 2025
One of my third-graders came to school crying.
“Jonathan’s upset because he couldn’t complete his math homework,” his mother explained.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“Apparently,” she said, “our computer doesn’t have Roman numerals.”
February 3, 2025
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
February 1, 2025
Our Network Manager, on a trip to an “AI in Networking” Symposium, boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
“This is the Jackport diamond,” she said. “It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.”
“What’s the curse?” the Network Manager asked.
“Mr. Jackport.”
January 30, 2025
A Senior Product Manager for a major networking technology firm walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, no drinks, but we’ll consider adding them later.”
January 29, 2025
Two network engineers met for dinner and were talking about past work in the Data Center, when one asked, “Say, why did the Network Manager fire you?”
Replied the second, “Well, you know how a Network Manager is always standing around and watching others do the work. My Network Manager got jealous. Data Center staff started thinking I was the Network Manager.”
January 26, 2025
A network engineer was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out.
The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes.”
“All right,” said the IT guy, “I wish for more genies.”
January 25, 2025
I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.
January 24, 2025
A year-long argument was finally settled a few days ago with a conference in the Mayor’s office. The situation involved a double-booking of the Town Hall, with a computer trade show and a Shakespeare appreciation society performance. After hearing demands from both parties, the Mayor and the town’s entertainment committee discussed the matter and decided to let the Shakespeare appreciation society use the hall for their performance.
It just goes to show that “actors speak louder than nerds!”
January 20, 2025
Network Manager: If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
January 19, 2025
In a small town in the Midwest, there was a big Data Center that hired only married men as network engineers.
Concerned about this, a local woman called the network manager and asked him: “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous … or what?”
“Not at all, ma’am,” the network manager replied. “It is because our network engineers are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut, and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
January 18, 2025
What do you call a Star Wars droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
January 14, 2025
A Network Engineer approached his Network Manager and asked for a raise.
“Well” began the head man, “business is bad now, Jack, and I just can’t afford to give you a raise.”
“But I’m doing the work of three network engineer’s and I always have…” retorted Jack.
“Three network engineers’ work?” exploded the Network Manager. “Tell me who the other two are, and I’ll fire them!”
January 12, 2025
I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a motherboard?” and he said, “I tell her about my job.”
January 11, 2025
Dear Data Center Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I’m sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service.
Please either take 9,400 days off work or, if you wish monetary compensation, notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing
January 9, 2025
What was a more useful invention than the first telephone?
The second telephone.
January 8, 2025
You Know You Are a Geek When
You look at a movie trailer and think, “I have that font.”
You get bittersweet nostalgic feelings about your long-lost Commodore 64 (or Sinclair ZX-81, TRS-80, etc.) and use large amounts of money and time trying to track one down.
You have more e-mail addresses than pairs of shoes.
Although vaguely insulted by pocket-protector jokes, you still find them funny.
Someone asks you what languages you know, and you reply: “Python, C, C++, React, Assembler, Javascript.”
January 6, 2025
A network software QA engineer walks into the bar, orders a beer, ten beers, 2.5 million beers, a dog, and leaves without paying.
January 1, 2025
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU’RE A NERD
I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical.
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”
I will stop sending e-mail, Chat, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
I resolve to work with neglected children… my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.
When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
I will stop using, “So, what’s your URL?” as a pickup line.
No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
I resolve to back up my new 4 TB hard drive daily… well, once a week… monthly, perhaps…
I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.
I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.